where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
