Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
