I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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