I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
