today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
