I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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