I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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