he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
