have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Girls should come with a carfax report
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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