If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
