i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
