i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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