I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
