i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
