its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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