shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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