Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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