i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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