Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
