Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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