PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
