HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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