Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
