I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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