Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
