The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
