You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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