The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone says I win the strip club
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
