some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
