everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
