Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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