It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
