rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
