please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
