im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
