"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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