Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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