did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
