There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
