I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
