The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
