Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
