i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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