Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
