I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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