Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
