She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
