Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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