You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
