a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
