I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
