I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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